I've had several times in my life where God has stretched my faith...where I've waited, nervous, anxious, on my knees sometimes, but mostly just stressed. Adam's been there more than I and as many times as we've struggled with God, and He's always come through with amazing results, we still find ourselves at this same door step: anxiously waiting for an answer, feeling that there was NO way this was going to actually work out.
So here we are again. wringing hands, unable to sit still, waiting to sell this, move that, praying that Adam will indeed get this job in Okinawa, Japan. As of right now, I've quit teaching at Calapooia Middle School and Adam's job at Catherine Freer has ended (along with the whole company) and we are working nonstop on our house to get it ready to rent and we are STILL waiting to get a contract for this new job. We don't even have this job yet...yikes. We only have 2 weeks before we leave to California and no secure job yet. Talk about anxious.
I had a melt down on Saturday night after receiving my final checks from CMS and seeing that I might not actually have insurance for our family in August. We hit our knees (after getting angry and saying things like "what else can we take right now?" and " Really, God?") and prayed for peace and answers. Wouldn't you know, God listens!! Heh heh Gregg's lesson was all about faithfulness, the faithfulness of God and of us. Every song lead by Cale had to do with the goodness of God and how He never leaves us. Needlesstosay, I cried through the whole service. On Monday, Eva sat in her little high chair and started singing a song I didn't even know she knew, "Jesus, You're my firm foundation. I know I can secure...I have a living hope, I have a future. God has a plan for me, of this I'm sure." She sang the whole thing by herself (of course it was actually "Jethuth for the firtht time ever, I know I can thand thecure") and I thought, "Wow, God...you really do talk to us still!"
So we feel more at peace...more, not totally. But I don't think it's bad to be nervous at times like this. You know, all those times when you MIGHT have to leave in 2 weeks for another country to live, and you have to get your home ready to rent and move all your stuff either into storage or overseas, and you're not sure if you should tell everyone you're leaving or not worry them because it might not actually happen, but if you don't tell them then you'll be gone before you can say goodbye, and you are unsure about whether you should quit your job and step out on a limb or keep it just in case you don't actually get the job. I think it's totally normal and human to be a bit nervous right now. Especially when we have a 2 year old and a mortgage.
But, God is faithful!
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